Excreble Christmas Songs Vol. III

My gift to all of you....
Excreble Christmas Songs Vol. III
Its my third year trying to find horrible Christmas songs. My students gave me bunch of youtube sites, but this seems like cheating. Amy Grant thankfully released a Christmas album last year, thus alleviating me of a "Dr. Livingstone I presume?" type search through darkest Africa for terible songs. Click on the link to sample these.

This year, there exists more than a few choices for worst Christmas recording. I had high hopes when I heard of Sting's intention to release a Christmas album. I was disappointed to find it actually listenable. A few notes:
Andre Botticeli did a Christmas album, but he sings Christmas music all the time, so I kept him off the list. David Archuleta released a Christmas album, too. I haven't listened to Archuleta, but being on "American Idol" automatically makes any recording you do hated by Dave Van Dyke, so he's up there. In a normal year, Archuleta would have walked away with the prize, but the pickins' are plentiful for godawful Christmas albums.
My top 3:
3) Apparently there are people who want to hear 300-yr.-old carols sound just like "Keep Forgettin.'" Michael McDonald's This Christmas gets in at a strong #3. Nobody in their right mind would add a beatbox to"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen." Michael does it to not one but two carols, the aforementioned "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" and "Oh, Come, Oh Come Emmanuel," which (along with breaking up the Doobie Brothers) proves again that McDonald should confined to an asylum. McDonald has treated these carols with as much respect as the Russians had for the dog they sent up in Sputnik II.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_0_16?url=search-alias%3Dpopular&field-keywords=michael+mcdonald+this+christmas&sprefix=Michael+MCDonald

2) Oh Good Lord: Neil Diamond's "A Cherry, Cherry Christmas" was released in October. Diamond released "The Christmas Album" in 1992 and I haven't been this blessed since then. Until now. Start with the title song, then open the floodgates of laughter. Diamond's lyrics are worse than the worst post-Beatles McCartney song you have ever heard, including Wonderful Christmastime. I'll let them speak for themselves:

http://www.amazon.com/Cherry-Christmas-Neil-Diamond/dp/B002NACY3Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1261751602&sr=1-1

And the worst Christmas recording of 2009.....
1) Bob Dylan's "Christmas in the Heart" is easily the worst Christmas album I have ever heard. That's a strong statement, but I really mean it. Its a good thing Dylan's recording of "Adeste Fidelis" is in Latin because you can't understand a word he's singing anyway. Listening to "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" is only for those who truly enjoy root canal and eating gravel. If there is a hell, I will be punished by being forced to listen to this. Trust me.

http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Heart-Bob-Dylan/dp/B002MW50KO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1261751720&sr=1-1