Christmas with my In Laws

The comparisons and contrasts between our three perspective families is astounding. My Dad's side met last night. I've been at my in-laws, my Mom's and then my Dad's again.
ENTERTAINMENT
Van Dykes: Singing Christmas hymns no one has recognized since the harpsichord was in competition with the lute.
Singletons: Monster Truck Christmas Special on a Plasma Screen
Linda's: Read my new book as to avoid hearing what a shit my father has been this Christmas.
GIFTS
Van Dykes: They stopped gift giving years ago. Dad gave me a gift card from Barnes and Noble last night.
Singletons: A book on John Lennon. I've been reading it already. I called my benefactor and thanked him profusely. It was the most appropriate gift I've been given that I didn't explicitly request. I got my brother-in-law Bob a paint ball gun. Dawn didn't like it when I bought it. I knew he would love it though. It is a colossal waste of time and resources, perfect for any guy on Christmas Day.
Linda's: Gift card from the Ready Theater. (Both my parents gave me, my wife, my brother and his wife gift cards. What does that say about us?)
LATE RELATIVES WHO INCONVIENENCED EVERYONE
Van Dykes: Nora and Bruce, who normally aren't late.
Singletons: Tammy and her 17 children, who are always late.
Lindas: Everybody on time.
CHILD IGNORED BY AUNT AND UNCLE
Van Dykes: Madelyn and Eva and Jacob, not given hand-made scarves while Nora's (late!) children were.
Singletons: Jacob, not receiving Gator tractor, retailing for ten times as much as his parents spent.
Linda: No child ever ignored. If a street urchin came off the street, Linda Van Dyke would have something already wrapped for him. At my Dad's, Dan had already opened his gift card.
DECORATIONS
Van Dykes: Nothing whatsoever. It might as well have been Arbor Day. (Well, maybe not, as that would have included a tree.)
Singletons: One tasteful Christmas tree blinking in the corner behind a barcolounger.
Lindas: Each kid got their own small decorated tree, which accompanied the main tree, held up by a TV tray.